If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
two words: eviction party
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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