i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The power of my boobs compel you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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