While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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