sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
