I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
