Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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