dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
