K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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