apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
