Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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