I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
