so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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