they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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