I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
