Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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