i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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