Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
