Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
