is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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