The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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