Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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