I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
