So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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