That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
