I didn't shave. On purpose
Quick, to the slutcave!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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