I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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