My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
