It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
