Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
