my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
