It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
