Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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