I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
