How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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