You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
