I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
