Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You can't special order awesome
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
