You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
