I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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