I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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