I want you more than these girls want KFC
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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