This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
