if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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