I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im holly from the hills drunk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
