Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
