Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
