whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
