i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
