i think my tv is drunk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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