I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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