Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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