I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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